Trust me, you are not the only one. There are lots of reasons to not be the biggest fan of the holiday. Personally, when I was in high school, I actively dreaded the day. For many reasons, I never really dated in my teens. I struggled a lot with my mental health. I wasn’t quite sure of my sexuality. And on top of it all, I went to a very small school and was very unpopular, so no one even wanted to date me. It was a sore spot on a regular day. On Valentine’s Day, it became an active wound. When I started seeing how based in consumerism the holiday is, my dislike turned to active hatred. If you feel like I did back then (some mix of unlovable and alone), first of all, you’re not alone and you are so so worthy of love, in whatever form fits you. Secondly, you might desperately want something NOT love-related during this frankly unpleasant period. Or you might want some examples of love that aren’t horrifically painful and awful. If either is the case, I’ve got you covered.
If you want someone who actively hates romance…
“Dealing with Dragons” by Patricia C. Wrede
you’ll really enjoy getting to know Princess Cimorene in this comedy-filled, satirical fantasy series. Her entire life, the spunky protagonist has rebelled against the idea of being prim and proper. Instead of being forced into an arranged marriage, she runs off to join a group of dragons. Even while happily living with her dragon friends, well-meaning knights and princes keep trying to save her. Cimorene rejects all of them, of course, much preferring her life with the wyrms to what any of them could provide. In the end, she accidentally finds herself in the middle of a long-time confrontation between the dragons and wizards. Can she fight off wizards and potential suitors at the same time?
If you want something without any romance at all…
“Vespertine” by Margaret Rogerson
Consider checking out “Vespertine.” There is absolutely ZERO mention of romance in this dark fantasy novel. It’s a wonderful example of the concept that sometimes there are things, like staying alive, that are WAY more important than any sort of relationship. Artemisia has had a rough childhood. She wants nothing more than to stay in her quiet covenant and attend to the bodies of the dead. This doesn’t work out, however, when she is possessed by a powerful revenant during an attack on her home. She is forced to work with the dangerous spirit to fight against the undead that are ravaging the land. What will betray her first- her own mind or the thing trapped inside her?
If you don’t understand what the big fuss is with relationships…
You may like the asexual/aromantic representation in “Loveless.” Georgia is 18 and never kissed anyone. In fact, she’s never even wanted to. She tries searching for a relationship that fits what she’s read but only ends up more confused. Will Georgia figure out exactly where she fits into the equation of love? Bonus points to this book for the sheer amount of identities portrayed. It isn’t just asexuality that’s explored. You also get to meet characters who are bi, pan, straight and everything in between. This book is a wonderful reminder that there are multiple ways to love.
If you are interested in romance, but you’re tired of all the terrible, toxic examples…
“The Start of Me and You” by Emery Lord
Me too, man, me too. Over the past few years, I’ve discovered that my issue is not with romance in general like I thought it was. My issue is with unrealistic and unhealthy examples. So often the relationships portrayed in YA fiction aren’t necessarily ones that we want to emulate (I’m looking at you “Twilight”). When those relationships are the ones that are shown as being the “ideal,” it makes me really hate romance. But I have recently discovered that there actually are books where the relationships aren’t just objectively bad! “The Start of Me and You” is an example of one of these. Paige is trying to rebuild her life a year after her previous boyfriend passed on in a freak accident. She plans to get her old crush, Ryan, to date her to show everyone how ready she is to move on. Instead, her life is thrown for a loop when Ryan’s cute cousin Max invites her to join the quiz bowl team. While this may sound like a typical meet-cute, I really love how Paige’s life is not automatically fixed by getting a relationship. Instead, she has to grapple with some pretty tough questions like what she really wants and who she is outside of her relationship. It isn’t just a story of a boy loving a girl. It’s a story of a girl learning to love herself too.
If you’ve been hurt by love…
“Dear Heartbreak: YA Authors and Teens on the Dark Side of Love”
You aren’t alone. While I know from personal experience that that doesn’t necessarily make the ache any better, it can be nice knowing that other people have experienced what you have. I considered recommending one of the many really great break-up stories out there. But I landed on this wonderful anthology by both teens and well-known YA authors because it acknowledges that breakups are not the only way to be hurt by love. In it, you will get to hear from those going through breakups of course. But you’ll also read letters from people who feel inadequate, those who have been rejected, those who have been abused, and more. I am pretty confident that almost anyone can find a kindred spirit within this collection. No matter what, we can all acknowledge that reading the experiences of other people who are hurting can be strangely cathartic. And yet it can be equally as nice reading the responses from people who have felt that pain and come out the other side. This book is the perfect mix of acknowledging bad feelings and yet also not lingering on them.
Whatever your reason for hating Valentine’s Day, hopefully at least one of these books piqued your interest. Remember, you don’t need someone else’s love to validate yourself this Valentine’s Day. You’re already in a relationship with the most important person in your life: YOU. Here’s to a Valentine’s Day full of nothing but good books with good company.
