Is there something strange in your neighborhood? 🤔
Or something weird and it don’t look good? 😳
That might be because it’s *checks watch phone* spooky season, y’all!!! Many sinister salutations for this most ghastly of times, when all of the delightful frights come out to haunt the moonlit, fog-filled corners of the night with tricks and treats in equal share. If you, like me, wish October took up 301 days of the year instead of the usual 31, welcome to yet another installment of Spooky, Not Scary™, a watch-list for any and everyone who absolutely adores Halloween and its eerie, phantasmagoric cheer, but also may be a bit of a Halloweenie at heart. 🖤🐣🖤
For those just joining in, I give you the following titles that are avowedly Spooky, Not Scary™. Each title is rated on a scale of 0-5 smashed pumpkins. The more smashed pumpkins (which I’ve metaphorically dropped out of terror), the closer the tv show/movie/video is to being truly frightening.
Note: no gourds were harmed in the making of this list, though some may have been consumed. I just found out about St. Louis-based craft soda maker Fitz‘s newest flavor, Pumpkin Pop. Move over, PSL, you are soooooooo 2003. 🎃
You can access the full list here (and volume one here and volume two a.k.a. boo! here); what follows are some of my not-so-fearsome favs with minimal spoilers. But first, Google/Siri/AI being of choice, play “Ghostbusters” by Ray Parker, Jr.! #Iain’t’fraidofnoghost #👻
Ghostbusters: Afterlife 👻
Were you raised on Ghostbusters as a kid, or were my parents particularly spooky goofballs? A debate for another time. Back sometime in 2020 or so, when I found out that there was another reboot of the franchise in the works, I’ll be honest and say I was more than skeptical. Unfortunately, I couldn’t even make it 30 minutes into the 2016 girlboss adaptation — please come for me in the comments and change my mind if you think I’m wrong ❌ — before I had to turn it off and then immediately rewatch the original and its sequel. But boy, have I never been so delighted and tbh emotionally moved to have my suspicions blasted into smithereens by means of a proton pack/cyclotron system/positron collider/unlicensed nuclear accelerator full of chaotically charming characters and so much heart and love. Maybe it’s the Youth Services library employee in me or my undying wish to be a Goonie, but I love so much that this addition to the Ghostbusters universe includes kid characters. The protagonist Phoebe S. [last name redacted for spoilers] is an adorakably awkward, precociously intelligent icon, and her friend Podcast (so named because he has a podcast, obviously!) is one of the quirkiest and most wholesomely wild characters written/acted in the last 500 years, in my not-so-humble opinion. Beyond all of the hilariously thrilling ghost-busting that these two get into with the support of Phoebe’s super salty single mom, Callie; their sweetly sardonic secret-agent-esque science teacher, Gary; Phoebe’s supportive yet still a bit hapless older brother Trevor; and another friend, Lucky, who, despite self-describing herself as “fourth generation dump,” has major cool girl renegade energy — this movie is really about grief, abandonment and the ways our relationships, the ever impermanent emotional centers of our lives, change and — heartbreakingly, inevitably — end. This one gets 4/5 smashed (and sniveling) pumpkins, for lots of frightful fun and for all those we have lost. 
🍃
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire 😈🧊
Okay, I’ll admit this Spooky, Not Scary™ blog has slowly morphed into a Ghostbusters fan blog. But the creators of this goofily gruesome series really knew what they were doing with tone, making fun scary and scary fun! In this newest hot-off-the-press — or rather, freshly-frozen-out-of-the-freezer??? — chapter, we follow Phoebe, Podcast and their courageous, kooky crew back in Manhattan cleanin’ up the town from all of that ectoplasmic trash that ghosts leave in their slimy, slithering wakes. But while “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” delights with its middle-school-baddies energy, “Frozen Empire” is all about teenage and early 20s (and even 30s & 40s) angst with a capital UGHHHHH, MOMMMMM. Another ancient phantom god is awoken and ready to absolutely destroy NYC for the 12th time, but this time I will say that the special effects for the main villain, Garraka, are pretty freakin’ frightening. This one gets 4.5-5/5 pumpkins, because Garraka’s “Kusharit Umoti,” or “Death Chill,” is a ghastly way to go. Also, 5/5 possessed pepperoni pizzas for one of the most terrifying-triumphant-appetizingly chaotic scenes to have ever been created in the history of the universe. You’ll know when you see it. 🍕👺🏆
Spooky, Not Scary™ Strategy: Modulate Your Sensory Experience
a.k.a. turn the volume down waaaaaay low 🎚️
Have you ever pulled a blanket up over your face or put your hands over your eyes while encountering a bit of visual media that freaked you out? This Spooky, Not Scary™ strategy is brought to you by a similar kind of kitchen-witch wisdom. Are scary movies hard for you, but you’re still interested in knowing what happens, so you can understand all those incredible memes bubbling up through the group chat? Have you ever tried watching the movie without sound? I find that removing one layer of sensory experience can be a helpful boundary so that you’re still able to show up to the fear-filled experience without overwhelming or traumatizing yourself. While most every sound system has a mute button — you can always pull out its plug & cut the power, too, lol —, you might also consider watching some silent horror films from the early day’s of 20th century cinema. That’s how “Nosferatu” made it onto my list this year. 🧛🏻♀️
Conversely, are scary movies just not scary enough for you? Or you’re wanting to up the ante when watching a very un-scary option, like Sesame Street’s “A Magical Halloween Adventure” or Barney’s “Halloween Party”? Layer in one of the creepiest tunes ever created*, the spoooooky piano-driven theme from John Carpenter’s “Halloween.” You’ll be petrified. 😱
